I have the same expectations for men as I do for Mondays.
You're the reason I wake up every morning and start drinking.
There's no one else I'd rather make regret the day he met me than you.
Fortunately, your obsessive need to tell me all your problems is matched by my obsessive need to offer useless advice.
August seems like a good time to tell you this was a summer fling.
I'd be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
Sorry I didn't forget your birthday and you can't use it as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself this year.