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BB drucitasi6 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year- old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. BB scritt-cosby oh my god these are great princemetalthunder fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes - iFunny
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PaintsWIthSmegma © 5 @5 - 2h I'm not a doctor but I was working as a paramedic at a music festival when we got called to a kid tripping on who knows what. The guy had climbed to the top of a portable generator stadium light. So he's 20 feet in the air. on a light pole staring into this blazing midnight sun screaming ."l'm a moth go into the flame". We had several cops. firefighters and myself standing at the base for 30 minutes discussing how to get him down without killing him or us. The entire time a crowd of people on drugs is surrounding us to see how it all plays out. Do we get a ladder truck and try to coax him down? What if he won't go? Do we spay mace up there? What if he falls? All of a sudden this greasy looking janitor walks up. turns off power to the generator, turns on his flashlight and aims it at the mothman. Dude looks at the flashlight on the ground. scambles down and follows it to the medical rent like a puppy about to get a snack. I'm embarrassed that none of us thought about that. SpicleySlap © - 2h - iFunny
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